1) Be sure to fasten your seatbelt while on the plane. Your seatbelt is fastened like this:

Your seatbelt is not fastened like this:

Your seatbelt is not unfastened like this, teeth are not required:

2) Toilet use while on the plane.

Using the toilet in an aeroplane can be a challenging activity. Follow these simple steps and you’ll have trouble free toileting in the sky.

Be sure to wipe down the baSSin after use:

Then after making a deposit in the toilet bank, be sure to commit it to interment with this handy button:

Then in order to exit from the toilet cubicle there is no need to headbut or otherwise attempt to destroy the door. This sliding handle will require much less force:

3) When returning to your seat from the toilet, this is not how you sit in your seat:

4) Disembarking from the aeroplane, it is best to approach this task with the maximum possible enthusiasm, as Mike here demonstrates:

5) Luggage retrieval

When awaiting the arrival of your luggage, the conveyor belt is not for standing upon:

Your bags can be safely collected from the conveyor like thus:

6) When leaving the airport, be mindful of the timeshare vultures attempting to lure you into their lair of deviance:

7) Outside the airport

Be careful, this man has a baton, and this is not a taxi:

Avoid the taxis, the taxi desks, the taxi dispatchers or anyone else who approaches you offering transportation services. You have been warned. Instead, look out for white vans, and enquire around them for transportation to Puerto Juarez. You should be able to pay 250 pesos for a van trip directly to the port.

At this point we should tell you, outside the airport you can have one of two things, money or beer, but not both. You have been warned!

The boat from Puerto Juarez is yellow. If you’re taken to another port, the boat may be another colour.

Our penultimate tip, here Mike models how not to sit on the boat:

9) Finally, should you spot santa on the island, he should be mounted as such:

That concludes our guide on how to reach Isla Mujeres from Cancun airport. Should you have any difficulty during the trip, Michael can be reached at +52 33 1007 6070 (dialled 045 33 1007 6070 from a local phone). Rumour has it that Callum may be available on +52 33 1356 9553, but this can neither be confirmed nor denied by the author.